Jesus Christ

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Posts by Jesus Christ

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  15

  How many here work for yourselves?

  by Leander in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  some of you may have read some of my earlier posts about my job issues, well i followed the advice that some of you contributed and i'm on my way to starting my own business.

  i have a fairly good strategy that i will attempt to follow but i'm back again for more advice.. my first goal is to obtain a business license and establish a business name.

  tomorrow i'm going to spend a few hours at the library and try to read up a bit on the different ways to proceed with a small business.

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  Jesus Christ

  I help out with the family business. My advice would be to have god as your dad.
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  10

  To JC, My Sweet Lord: listen up

  by wasasister in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  dear jc: .

  i was happy to note in another thread that you are still with us and observing your humble servants.

  it's been very difficult with you and the big guy away on vacation, what with all my supplications going unanswered.

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  Jesus Christ

  Oh that's just too fucking cool! As I've stated before, our telco lines are down up here and it may be a while before the phone guy comes to fix it (he said he'd be here sometime tomarrow afternoon) so because of that I don't have a direct line to anyone.

  Sorry if I seemed doubtful of you, its just not every day I get the chance to talk to dad's substitute.

  By all means, go ahead and have Jason email me. All of those guys are just pure genious.
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  10

  To JC, My Sweet Lord: listen up

  by wasasister in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  dear jc: .

  i was happy to note in another thread that you are still with us and observing your humble servants.

  it's been very difficult with you and the big guy away on vacation, what with all my supplications going unanswered.

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  Jesus Christ

  I have just signed up for a new email address that Kevin may reach me at. Have him send a message to [email protected]. This will be one of the coolest things to happen to me if you honestly do really know Kevin Smith. Seriously, thank you!!!!!
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  23

  DONT RIDICULE ANOINTED ONES!!

  by 11thHour in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am so sorry that you all have to tease and ridicule, when it is in our hearts to serve like christ did, but jesus, was ridiculed, he was young, i know a young anointed sister who gave this interesting illustration, jesus was a common name back then, and he was from an unpopular town, nazareth,, so how would you all feel if he came today and was called carlos from pueblo?, .

  many people thought he was crazy, and he was ridiculed and hated, .

  matthew 19:30 states, "but many that are first will be last and the last first.

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  Jesus Christ

  Man, what an idiot. I do have to admit though, its a nice way to deal with a shitty life. Your life sucks and people make fun of you for being such a dumbass so what do you do? Look into a book that's been mistranslated for thousands of years by people who have their own agenda for another person who was tormented and basically says that anyone else who gets tormented like him will be rewarded. What this person who is saying they're annointed fails to realize, however, is that people can be tormented for any number of reasons and I'm going to guess that this person felt rather tormented even before they heard this "calling" and since the bible is generally held in high regard by so many people (don't ask me why because dad and I can't figure it out) they go to the most popular book they can find, begin to follow what it says, and all of a sudden their persecutions (real or not) begin to show that they are being persecuted like I was. In a way I feel pitty for this poor idiot because he thinks his shitty plot in life is due to his holiness when its really just the way things are. On the other hand, while I can certainly understand sympathising with someone who so far out of it they think they're someone super special, they're also quite haughty in assuming that they're so special. Look, just because your whole world revolves around your pathetic look on life doesn't mean that everyone else should go along with those same delusional ramblings.
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  5

  Good Question

  by Joseph_Muth in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  dear outoftheorg:.

  satan tempted jesus (without success).

  peter , all the other disciples with some success.

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  Jesus Christ

  Please stop using dad and I as an excuse to not go out and enjoy all the wonderful things we've given you. Just as parents don't expect their children to sit around and talk to them all the time while ignoring all the wonderful birthday/Christmas/whatever presents that they've just spent a large amount of money to buy. If we didn't want you to go out and enjoy all those things we wouldn't have made them.
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  10

  To JC, My Sweet Lord: listen up

  by wasasister in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  dear jc: .

  i was happy to note in another thread that you are still with us and observing your humble servants.

  it's been very difficult with you and the big guy away on vacation, what with all my supplications going unanswered.

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  Jesus Christ

  Seriously, if you could get Kevin Smith to email me, that would be so sweet. That guy is just genious.

  Sunshine, see the answer already provided by the wise wasa.
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  66

  Would/Do you wear a Cross around your neck ??

  by Prisca in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  after all that we had drummed into us about not the cross, and particularly about not venerating the symbol itself, i have been wondering about this issue.. so, what are your views about wearing a cross around your neck ?

  is it just a fashion accessory, or does it mean something to you ?.

  inquiring minds would like to know

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  Jesus Christ

  I hate those damn things. Everytime I see someone wearing one its just reminds me of the unpleasent trip (well, the sex was pleasent but that's it) I took down to earth to see those ungreatful little twirps.
  Wear something that celebrates my life, not my cruel murder by people trying to cover their own rears. You don't see people who had their kids murdered with a gun wearing gun lockets do you?
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  10

  To JC, My Sweet Lord: listen up

  by wasasister in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  dear jc: .

  i was happy to note in another thread that you are still with us and observing your humble servants.

  it's been very difficult with you and the big guy away on vacation, what with all my supplications going unanswered.

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  Jesus Christ

  1. If it gives you any idea, dad may be taking an extended vacation in about 40 human years. Why 40 years? That's when the only suitable substitue, Kevin Smith, will be dead and on his way to heaven. The man is pure genious and I've been a fan since Clerks. In fact, I'm wearing a reproduction of the shirt Brodie wore in Mallrats as I type.
  Note, anyone who can get Kevin Smith to email me (and this is the only way to get my email) gets an automatic trip to the best possible after life possible.

  2. 42. Doug and I hang out from time to time and his is quite wise.

  3. We weren't laughing nearly as much as we do when we're watching the Mormons. Those people are nuts.

  4. Yes but why bother? To see the only thing funnier than those faces read answer #3.

  5. Nah, white rappers are treated the same way as any other rappers. Just because the color of their skin may be different doesn't mean anything. We will, however, beat the living snot out of the kids who live in backwoods Kentucky and listen to music talking about the ghetto and think they really understand it and fail to see the humor of seeing them blast that from their tractors whether they're white, black, or any other race.

  6. Not our fault. We were gone. Much like other religions, we actually take great offense at them trying to force their small and petty versions of dad and I on other people. In the after life we will be making them wear very tight corsets and 5 inch high heels that are even smaller than their versions of us. Anyone interested in inserting various unpleasent objects into their various orrifices please get in line. To get a good after life go enjoy all the great things you've been given now. You have to learn how to love life now so that you'll be able to handle the great stuff later. If you consistently go on about how horrible dad and I will treat those you don't like just wait because that is what will happen to you. Well, not quite, our version will be much more humerous.

  7. Simple solution to a simple problem. Go topless. Even Jesus loves the boobies.

  We mediate for everyone and couldn't care less about rankings or how many posts you have. As for redecorating, stop pulling a fundamentalist. When we say something its pretty simple and don't put anything extra in between the lines. Don't put any words in our mouths that we didn't say ourselves. When we say remodel, its like replacing the grass with a newer, softer version and maybe making the oceans different colors.

  Dad bless you!
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  11

  JEHOVAH GIVES US OUR SPIRITUAL FOOD

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  "how thankful we can be that jehovah gives us our spiritual food!

  this comment recently was made by a circuit overseer regarding the wonderful district convention and the "beautiful daniel and isaiah books that the faithful slave has given us.

  " are you thankful that jehovah has given us the "food at the proper time?

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  Jesus Christ

  I am the real Jesus Christ in heaven. What, you think that I'm in Louisville, KY right now?
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  43

  Anderson Committee Move In For Kill

  by silentlambs in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well it appears the watchtower is back at their executions.

  after jr brown besmirched her moral character by saying she was being disfellowshipped for other sins unrelated to the dateline program, now three men want to meet her at a motel?

  why not the kingdom hall?

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  Jesus Christ

  By the way, has anyone considered contacting the local newspaper where this is supposed to take place? Three supposedly religious men wanting to meet alone with a woman at the local hotel. No, that's not weird. Not at all.